When it’s tough to hear:
You’re burnt out and just doing your best then your partner sends you the dreaded “we need to talk” text. You have a few responses on your mind about why talking is the exact opposite of what you need right now. Hearing them detail how you hurt their feelings last Tuesday may not be your idea of a fun evening and more so when you feel they also wronged you however being able to look past all of your reasons for being justified in your actions and owning the fact that regardless of your intent, your actions have had an impact on someone else is where accountability begins. Thank them for caring enough to bring it to your attention, take some time to reflect and come back with questions so you can be sure you’ve understood. Then communicate that you have understood and discuss a plan for change together.
When it’s what you asked for:
Yes you asked a mentor to hold you accountable to your career goals so why does it feel like they are attacking you every time they ask about it? Remember that you can’t get there on your own without someone checking in on you, the discomfort of repeatedly hearing about it is part of the process. If for nothing else, let your irritation spur you to action. There will always be a very valid reason why you can’t do the thing but take the continued reminders as a gift to help you prioritize those tasks and get it done.
When the other person won’t own their part:
Like the saying goes; it takes two to tango. Frankly, if we were to run the numbers on who’s guilty, they would be holding 90% while you hold 10. Yet somehow here you are apologizing while they are sitting crossed armed deciding your fate. It is important to remember that you don’t control their actions, you can only control yours. Accountability is the gift you give yourself here, they may not be ready to own their actions, however by owning your part, you are able to keep growing and moving forward. Yes, calling their attention to how their actions impacted you is non-negotiable, AND there’s no guarantee that they would reassess. All you can control is your actions and your response
When no one else is to blame:
Sometimes you just have to sit and acknowledge that this is a disaster of your own design. You knew better but you didn’t do better. You waited till the last minute to work on that license renewal and now you’re sitting in the office of a disinterested official telling you that it’s going to take six weeks to process when you know good and well you need that license in 3 days. It’s not the official’s fault, it’s not an issue with the system, this is all you baby and you need to own that. While you steep in the consequences of your own inaction, spend time reflecting. You can set a standard for how you want to show up and then put systems in place to keep you on track.