No one tells you how living in shared spaces/ having housemates as an adult is very crucial to your happiness.
This is not a rant but it may sound like it. Ever since I graduated from university (2017), I have moved 3 times in 3 years. Yes I have stayed in 3 different rentals in 3 years. Imagine the cost and time spent by me moving. The list entails renting a truck, getting credit checks, saving first and last rent, packing my stuff, booking elevators, and it goes on.
It may sound crazy but trust me it had to be done. Home to me signifies a place where you rest, express yourself and are at peace from all the craziness of this world. It is a place of shelter, warmth and solace from a very stressful day.
Every time I moved I assumed my new housemate was the most sensible person at that time, and I could make it work. Sadly, as they say 'assumption is the lowest form of knowledge' I was always wrong and I think I'm still wrong haha.
I knew I was an adult when I had to consistently clean up after my house mates even after politely expressing my concerns that they should do it themselves. Honestly, there comes a time when you're too tired to repeat yourself and you just take action.
There are many other things that cause friction about living with other people. For example, how the person cooks, the smell of their food, how they answer calls in shared spaces, who they bring to your home etc.
Of course it would be nice to live alone, but as a millennial in Toronto, it is not financially smart. It's advised you spend less and save more (even though interest rates on savings account are NIL right now #covid19). The question I often ask myself is, to what extent do I sacrifice happiness, peace, comfort for cost of living ? (Answer to this, I am yet to find out and it's okay not to know, because - that's adulting :) )
Kudos to those who have siblings and are living together or have a house bought by their parents. They are so blessed. Lol I'm blessed also, mostly in my experiences haha.
Funny thing is, I'm thinking of moving again :) (my body and mind is already numb to the process). I think I have learnt to just go with the flow and endure the process.
In order for you not to move as often as I have, I cumulated a list defining types of house mates, which you should avoid and if you're already living with them how to cope.
1. The cooker/ chef - this housemate cooks a lot of aromatic/spicy/acidic food. The food aroma is so strong that you can perceive it from your room. When they cook, kindly tell them to open windows, balcony doors, or use the extractor. If they don’t listen to you, open the windows/ doors and turn on the extractor yourself. If food smell still persists boil white vinegar mixed with water and allow steam to neutralize food smell. Trust me it works.
2. The phone talkative - this house mate does not respect shared space and talks on their phone using loud speaker, does not care if you can hear their conversation or not. This one is quite tricky. There are two ways, either you tell them nicely to be mindful and that you can hear them or to use headphones when on the phone, or better still ignore them.
3. The passive - the house mate that does not do their due diligence when it comes to shared work/ responsibilities. For example, they send you rent at the eleventh hour, or they don’t buy soap on time when it's their turn to. In this case, you have to be an adult and remind them. Mutually agree when things are expected to be done. You should be the active one.
4. The partier - this kind of house mate often has people over on Friday or Saturday or sometimes on a weekday (I know, crazy right ?!). His/ Her friends come over for pre-drinks and they play loud music or have a good time. Firstly, avoid housemates like this, literally shun! When screening housemates, ask potentials how they spend their weekend to predict what to expect. You can not confront them during the party. After the party is done, you should both agree how frequent he/she can have parties and the duration of the parties.
5. The rude one - housemates like these make me cringe. You are nice and respectful to them, but they do not reciprocate that to you. A wise saying " Silence is the best answer" and do not take their word or actions to heart. This too shall pass haha. (P.s it's okay to vent to a friend, do not harbor rage in you).
6. The careless one - this is the type of house mate that uses your stuff but does not treat it with respect ( like why?!). There are two ways to resolve this. Either tell them nicely how they could use it better, or mutually agree to stop using each other's stuff (politely).
7. The fake one - I think this is one you should be weary of. This type of house mate seems to pass all your housemate requirements when you first meet, but their personality contradicts that after you move in together. You need to be really careful especially when selecting. For example, if you're done university and have started working your housemate should ideally be a working professional and not a university student (sorry uni folks, one love!). I say this because the mentioned parties have a really different mindset. In addition, schedules and lifestyles rarely intersect. Except if both parties are good friends ( I'd say stay away from living with friends, this one could go south, speaking from my blessed experience).
Adulting has taught me to endure the process, be patient and understand people's differences. It has also taught me that if I cannot tolerate someone's difference, then I should move elsewhere but it has to be a financially smart move.
Hope you enjoy your experience adulting :)
- Anon